


Remembering

by misfitsbabe



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 21:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13152078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misfitsbabe/pseuds/misfitsbabe
Summary: Clark saves a piece of bell to keep her sane after sending him and the others up into space.





	Remembering

The pain lessened, the throbbing of her empty heart somehow stopped cutting her as deeply, she had mended herself, not all at once, and not right away. It took time. So much time, it took all she had and more, night after night, day after day, weeks, months, years, it took it all. Most nights she called on her memories of him to calm her, she talked to him in her loneliness, and she cried for him in her sorrow, but now it she just hoped. Now she stared up at him, knowing he was there, somewhere and sent him little notes, sure it was one way, but it kept her alive, kept her whole, and she needed something to hold to, something to keep him alive. She guessed she could be that, the thing that kept him alive… no matter what. Carrying him around with her wherever she went, having faith that he’d do the same. 

Some days Clark felt crazy, and others she felt completely normal walking around talking to him, of course he wasn't there, but she could dream… 

It was such a strange concept, knowing she had let him slip through her fingers, each opportunity they had… she squashed, and she couldn't figure out why. For a long time she swore that Lexia was the one she missed most, she used to picture her, she dreamed of having her to hold, but she found herself talking to him more and more. The daydreams of Lexia walking hand and hand with her turned to just having a conversation with him, seeing her paint covered face laying in a lush bed, so welcoming, so loving, turned to seeing his face.

It was never romantic, it was always just her best friend popping up to help keep her sane, seeing Lexia took her to some lonely place where she just wanted to be with her again, she loved her so much, but seeing him made her feel oddly at peace. It was like seeing Lexia made her miss her so much she wanted to die, but seeing him made her miss him so much she wanted to live. Something about him gave her such strength, and something on Lexia made her feel that she could never love someone so much ever again

. The more she saw him the more she healed, it wasn't till she had come across Finn’s old bunker and realized she couldn't even remember what he looked like that she realized she couldn't remember what Lexia looked like either… it was all shapes and paint, the feel of her lips and the touch of her skin, but her voice was gone, her eyes, it had all faded away, replaced with him. His voice was still clear as day, his face was there sketched out with every detail, each freckle and every scar they’d collected together. 

Clark sketched him often, she remembered each time he had held her together, all the times he hunted her down, raised her up, mended her, all the times she reached out for him and he gladly took her hand. With a chuckle she even remembered the times he wasn't so welcoming, they had so many differences, but even through it all…. He always had room for her, no matter what she did, no matter how badly she hurt him…. He always found room to forgive her and she wanted that back, wanted him back so badly she talked into a radio every morning, just hoping he’d hear her.


End file.
